Various 4 day split workouts--really I wanted to pin this, not blog it. lol

I found this online in my search to try some new things with my workouts and balance my family life.  I really don't like being away from my kids when I have them and 5 days a week workouts and full time employment and 50/50 custody with my ex makes things a little challenging--not impossible, but takes some juggling.  I think that a 4 day split will work for me, let me build the muscle I need and be with my family when they need me most.

My source for this workout:
http://www.stumptuous.com/workout-5

routine 1: conventional split

This routine should be done either every other day, or as a Monday-Tuesday-Thursday-Saturday kind of split, if you have to fit it into a 7-day week. Don’t do more than 2 days in a row. I include lower back and ab work twice weekly. This helps a great deal in developing torso stability. Rest about 60-90 seconds between sets (you might want a little longer between squat sets).
Notation: Exercise sets x reps
For example: bench press 3 x 8 is 3 sets of 8 reps per set

day 1 – legs

1. squat
   3 sets of 6-10 reps
2. split squat or lunge
   3 x 6-10
3. stiff-legged deadlift
   3 x 8-10
4. calf raise
   3 x 6-10
5. back hyperextensions
   3 x 8-10

day 2 – chest, triceps, abs

1. bench or dumbbell press
   3 x 6-10
2. dips or assisted dips (if you can)
   3 x 6-10
3. incline bench or dumbbell press
   3 x 6-10
4. close-grip pushups
   2 x 8-10
5. ab crunches or swissball crunches
   3 x 8-10

day 3 – back, biceps

1. deadlift
   3 x 6-10
2. pullups OR lat pulldowns
   3 sets of as many as you can do for pullups (if you can do more than 6-8 pullups at once, put a 5-lb plate between your knees and do them), 3 sets of 6-8 reps for lat pulldowns
3. row of choice
   3 x 8-10
4. biceps curl
   2 x 6-10
5. back hyperextension
   3 x 8-10

day 4 – shoulders, lower back

1. standing shoulder press or one-hand side press
   3 x 6-10
2. power shrugs
   3 x 6-10
3. lateral raises
   2 x 8-10
4. ab crunches or Swiss ball crunches
   3 x 8-10

routine 2: push/pull, light/heavy

This routine should be done either every other day, or as a Monday-Tuesday-Thursday-Saturday kind of split, if you have to fit it into a 7-day week. Don’t do more than 2 days in a row, and try to have a heavy day follow a rest day. Rest about 2 minutes between sets on heavy days (you might want a little longer between squat sets), and about 60-90 seconds between sets on light days.

day 1 – heavy push

1. squat
   3 x 5
2. dips or assisted dips (if you can) or standing shoulder press
   3 x 6-8
3. calf raise
   3 x 6-8
4. ab crunches or Swiss ball crunches
   3 x 8-10

day 2 – light pull

1. power shrugs
   5 x 3, with light weight (i.e. don’t use the weight you’d use for a 3-rep max; use about 70-80% of that)
2. one-arm dumbbell row
   3 x 12-15
3. biceps curls
   2 x 8-10
4. lower back extension
   3 x 12-15

day 3 – light push

1. front squats
   5 x 3 with light weight (i.e. don’t use the weight you’d use for a 3-rep max; use about 70-80% of that)
2. standing shoulder press or one-hand side press
   3 x 12-15
3. pushups
   3 sets
4. close-grip bench press 2 x 10-12
5. ab crunches or Swiss ball crunches
   3 x 8-10

day 4 – heavy pull

1. deadlift OR hang clean pull
   3 x 6
2. pullups OR lat pulldowns3 sets of as many as you can do for pullups (if you can do more than 6-8 pullups at once, put a 5-lb plate between your knees and do them), 3 sets of 6-8 reps for lat pulldowns
3. horizontal pullup OR wide-grip row Horizontal pullups: 3 x as many as you can; wide grip row: 3 x 6-8

- See more at: http://www.stumptuous.com/workout-5#sthash.TaMYtHPv.dpuf

Persistent and relentless

If any of you know me, you know tenacity is my middle name. Backing down is not something I do easily. But I have also had to move past some distractions and emotional and mental blocks. Not excuses, but things that have been in my sight instead of my goals. I have been back to focusing on diet and working out and I am already seeing changes. Thanks to a good friend Kevin, he has introduced me to iifym aka if it fits your macros. You can read more on iifym.com if you would like some great calculators to get you started and some more of the philosophy behind it. In a nutshell it is no food is off limits or dirty (vs clean eating). If you want a cookie have a cookie but make it fit. The majority of your choices are going to be lean meats, quality complex carbs, and good fats. These are essential for your body to be the best it can. It also means you don't have to go through "never being allowed to even look at ice cream." It's not the only eat cabbage soup diet, juicing cleanses, Atkins, paleo, SAD, or any diet in particular. While I still make mostly paleo choices I do that because of how I feel when I eat paleo. Pasta and breads just don't make me feel good. I have no intolerance to them, but they make my gut bloat and ache. Why choose a food that makes you feel that way? You don't. 

I was gaining a little weight. I have put on about 15 pounds. Not unhealthy weight gain, but I know it's because I haven't been careful. I have overate and not made choices that make my body happy. I have also slacked in my efforts to go to the gym. Well I am happy to report, I have been consistently going to the gym and tracking my food choices. And I am seeing changes. My body is reshaping itself. I am feeling so much more in tune with what is hunger. No longer am I eating to that uncomfortable full make your belly hurt level. Being almost 24 weeks out from competition I feel more focused than ever to reach my goal and take the win.

I am so grateful for the support I have this go around. More of my friends are behind me. My kids are ever supportive and tolerant. My man is wonderful. Ever aware and careful to make sure I can stay on track. I have made connections online with fellow competitors  and watching them and seeing their dogged persistence has helped me remember why this is the goal. Why it's worthy of my time. 

So the next time you think about not choosing the food you need, or working out, or one more rep, or..., or..., or. The list can go on and on, you ambition will get you so far. It's your persistence that will pave the path and lead the way. 

Motivation boards

I was searching on Pinterest (one of my addictions but I actually use a lot of what I pin) and found this motivational board. I had tried something like this with great success on my bathroom mirror. Me and my kids wrote wonderful positive statements on there and loved every minute of it. Mascara application was tricky but the words on the mirror were worth the acrobatic make up tricks. The mirror was cleaned for a house showing and we just didn't put them back up. I missed it being there so when I come across this pic I decided I needed to do it again but modify how we did it. I recently sold a large hutch and I now have this empty wall in my dining area that needed something on it but I didn't know what to put there. I will be moving shortly and didn't want to invest in decor that may or may not work in the new place. Then I found the perfect solution. We spend a lot of time in the kitchen and dining room. That wall will be visible to everyone. It was the perfect place for these boards. I went to the dollar store and found little 8 1/2 x 11 boards and picked up some dry erase markers and came up with a plan. 

My kids have been craving family time. Not having a vehicle that will hold them all legally means we have to find things to do at home and that are inexpensive. This was perfect. 

I had made my board when they were at school but I left their boards on the table for them to see. As soon as they got home from school they caught sight of mine. Ohhs and ahhs and can we write on that were immediate questions asked by all five of them. I told them that was my board but I had one for them. Their excitement was palpable. They could hardly wait for dinner to be done. Every single one of them wanted to get ahold of that board and the markers. Ideas were forming in their minds all afternoon. 

I sat them down and talked to them about setting goals and what I intended to do with my board and what my goals are. I told them I wanted the boards to be out here where we could all see them so we could encourage each other. If Keneisha wrote she had a test and was working hard to study for it then we could wish her good luck or ask how she did. We could cheer Olivia on as she works to become a better dancer. I told them they were free reign...write what ever you want to on the board. There were no wrong goals or pics or sayings. They had complete control of it. They could change it daily if they wanted. It was whatever their heart desired would be perfect for their whiteboard. 

After my trip to Ogden this weekend I am more resolved than ever to get on stage in April. It's 27 weeks away. I know that sounds like a long time, but there is much prep that goes into training for a body building competition and being focused now is going to help me in the long run. I am a visual person. Seeing the words written out, the list made and ready for check off, the constant reminder are going to pave my road to success and winning. 

Olivia's board 

Brennady's board

Nataushia's board

Asche's board 

Keneisha's board

They are all individual and unique just like each of my children are. They took quite a bit of time to settle on their first goals and pictures. I will hang them up tomorrow and have them ready for them to see when they get home. I love it. They are going to do so well with each of their choices. Writing it down places it deeper in their brain. This will become their reality. And I get to be lucky enough to watch them make it happen. 

Reflections

Laying here in the dark (it's 6 a.m.) and reflecting and thinking about my day has made my need to write overwhelming. I have crept out of bed and want to put my thoughts here for you all to read and perhaps find an inspiration for your needs.  As I was watching my friend compete tonight my desire was made that much stronger to do this all again. I watched her take the stage, walk with pride, and win first place her first time out. To say I was proud seems almost condescending because I am not her mother but I am her friend and felt pride and happiness like I would for my child accomplishing something huge and great and wonderful. So congratulations to my beautiful best friend Heather. I think we should take your trophy and run around the neighborhood and yell at the top out lungs "SHE WON! SHE WON!"or "I WON!! I WON!" as would be the case for you. Celebrate and enjoy your win. You earned that trophy and deserve to stand there with it in your hand and that beautiful smile on your face.

Sorry, I know the photo is a little fuzzy and does not do this beautiful lady justice but she is amazing in my book. 

As I was watching her and sitting in that audience watching those people put themselves out there for scrutiny and judging I come to realize there is much that is left from my divorce that feeds my psyche and has stopped me from continuing my training like I need to do to get back on stage. I was talking of some of my experiences and heartache from that day that was supposed to be all about me and how it had been lessened by little things. The anger and hurt came back up and this wonderful man that I am dating said to me how sorry he was that those things happened. It wasn't for him to apologize. For goodness sakes, the man didn't even KNOW me then. But hearing him say how sorry he was that the parts that had lessened the experience had happened seemed to make it better. My heart lighter. My mind more at ease. My spirit healed. And my commitment more resolved. 

As I come to grips with what I was facing at this tulmutuous  time in my life and understand how far reaching it's effects were and are. I know it will simply take time to overcome them. These emotions and mental blocks are not going to continue to be my reality--I am stronger than them. I am the conquerer! The winner! The one who will do it! My mother had a coffee mug when I was growing up that she has passed to me that has a picture of a woman on it with her hands in the air celebrating a success and the caption on the cup says "If it's gonna be, it's up to me!" It's silly how little things like an insignificant coffee mug can have an effect on the view you take. She gave me this cup at a time when I needed it most, and I love it when I use it. I think of her and her drive and determination to be the best she could be and how she taught me to strive for the top, whatever that may be to me. 

So as my cup runneth over with gratitude and joy I want to tell those that have inspired me, held my hand while I cried, celebrated my happy moments, cheered me on, and held me up when I was weak--I thank you. 

Adventure in fruit leather.

Fruit roll ups are a favorite with my kids.  They love eating them, but I hate the processed, added sugar, garbage food so I don't buy them for them. I have been trying to do different things with their lunches so they don't get bored and fruit leather was on several of the idea boards that I found for kid lunches. So, I decided to try out making homemade fruit leather.  Easy enough to do right?  Google search, find something simple with pretty pics and go for it.  I tried this recipe out.  I don't have accurate measurements--sorry folks, but it isn't really needed.  I used about half of the bag of mixed berries, squished the juice from half of a lemon, added about 1 tablespoon of honey to the mix and hit blend. 

It was a little thick when I blended it so I added a little water - maybe 1/4 cup or so.  I wanted it to pour and spread pretty easily.  My berries were mostly thawed so they were squishy when I added them in. This is a great way to use those strawberries or other fruit in your fridge that are overripe but still good. If you have picky eaters and don't want the seeds you will want to add more water and strain through a strainer.  My kids don't mind the seeds so I left them. Your drying time will just be a little longer. 

Spread the mixture out on a sheet pan covered in plastic wrap.  This will be a thin coating over the sheetpan. Set your oven on the lowest setting, 170 degrees is where my oven stopped, or use your dehydrator.  I know the whole plastic wrap in the oven thing and melting...this will not happen, you are only heating the air up so it won't melt.  If you feel better you can use a silpat pad to spread on.  I am going to try out parchment paper.  This takes several hours.  I turned my oven on for a couple of hours before bed, turned off the oven over night, turned it back on in the morning and just kept an eye on it.



The finished product.  I know it looks burnt...it isn't.  It is just dark because it is dehydrated out and I used dark colored berries.  You want the fruit leather to be flexible and dry to the touch.  If you let it get too dry to the point its just brittle you can brush on some water and let it absorb into the fruit.  Now the site I visited showed cutting it with scissors and making the fun little rolls.  My cute little heathens just tore off pieces and enjoyed. You could also use little cutters and cut out shapes that match the holiday or event that is around the corner. The flavor is concentrated down so you might need to play with the amount of sweetener you need.  My kids like lemons (they eat them raw), so they don't mind the tartness.



I am going to try mango ones next.  I will keep the lemon in it and probably omit the honey.  Mangoes are sweet on their own and added sugar isn't really necessary in my opinion.  Peeling off the plastic wrap was interesting.  I was also thinking this would be great time to use the press and seal plastic so I could get the edges sealed away from the mixture.  I had a few "soft" spots where the edges were covered up by the plastic. In all it was successful.  If you try this out, let me know your successes and challenges.  I would love to share them with other followers.

Arise from the dead

I took a break for awhile. Personal life catches up to all of us. But, I am back, and working towards new goals. I started up a Facebook page called Feeding My Family and I am really looking forward to posting my obsessive amounts of food pics there. I love to work with traditional recipes and clean them up so they are healthier versions of foods my family loves. My five kids get to try the experiments and they are completely willing to give honest feedback if they like the new foods. It's been fun to introduce them to new foods and tweak recipes to fit my clean/paleo lifestyle. Some have been home runs like my beef teriyaki skewers from tonight. And some have been traumatic experiences like sweet potato ice cream. (They still haven't forgiven me for that one...for the record I liked it, they couldn't gag it down.) 

Keep coming back. I will be posting more. 

Woot woot!

I did it!!!  I competed!!  I participated in the NGA Grand Teton Invitiational held in my local town.  I was placed in the bikini tall division.  There were 4 girls in my group.  I took the 4th spot.  I didn't care, my goal was to get out on stage and I did just that. 

This just proves that if you set your mind to something and then tirelessly work for it you can attain it.  There were lots of nay sayers, and people who thought I was preachy, obsessed, neglectful, and just down right in the wrong.  Many said I shouldn't do this.  I had to tune them out and just move forward. I kept lifting, I kept dieting, I kept practicing.  It all paid off. 

When I was all done with the show my daughters said to me that I was the real winner.  They were so proud of me.  My husband was excited that I had done it.  I could hear him cheering in the audience for me.  It made me smile from ear to ear.  I could hear my little son say Hi Mama! from the audience even though I couldn't see his cute face.  I had friends there supporting me and cheering me on.  It was thrilling! 

The judges gave me some great feedback.  I need to build my back and shoulers and arms.  I knew this to begin with.  I have a few ideas for diet tweaks and I am going to do some reasearch on what lifts will help me best build those muscles.  I plan to add the conditioning again and see if I can't tone and tighten everything up. 

My favorite story of the day is from my posing trainer, Kathy Everton.  She was sitting behind my husband and son when we were all on the stage for the prejudging.  My little guy turned to her and said "That's my mom up there.  She has a sexy bum, huh?"  Kathy said she just giggled.  I told her yes, he was a butt-man just like his daddy. 

Onward and upward now!  I am planning to compete again in figure in the fall.  The competition may be in September, but I may get until October.  I talked with the head judge of the competition and he hadn't decided yet.  I will just keep an eye on the NGA site for the final date so I can register and plan accordingly with diet and conditioning. Stay with me my friends.  I am gonna take that stage by storm and kick some trash this fall!

Getting closer!!

I have 4 weeks until my competition. 4 weeks!!! I am so nervous it is unreal. I have fired my nutritionist (and really I am being generous here with that title, I should say the guy who plugged stuff in the computer and spit out a bogus diet) and I am back to following what Steve and Rhonda have taught me from day one. We live and learn right? But they are patient and love me anyway and let me make my own mistakes and now will help me the best they can with the time that is left.

I have been taking posing classes with a gal named Kathy Everton. She is a champion competitor. Google her, she is cute as a bug and twice as sweet. I am practicing my posing and working on the nerve to stick that suit on my body and walk through the gym and practice posing in it. I have to get over my stage fright if I am gonna do this.

Here are my pics with 4 weeks to go. Still a little fluffy on the hips. Dedication to diet and the last few last ditch cutting efforts should melt it right off. The top fits good and I need to keep focus on my shoulders and booty to create the right shape and line for my body. I will keep at it with all I have. Just call me the little engine that could.

Why

Today I had my body fat measured and it went the wrong way. I am frustrated with it. I felt like giving up when I heard that number. Then I thought NO!!! I am not going to allow myself to think that way. I am going to list why I am doing this.

Cuz my kids are watching. If I quit when it's hard or I get frustrated what am I teaching them?

Cuz my husband loves me!

I have great friends:
Bambi believes in me and thinks I can
Rhonda and Steve think I can
Mitch thinks I can
Brandon thinks I can
Bev thinks I can
Robin thinks I can
Danielle thinks I can
Charity thinks I can
Bryan thinks I can
Daren thinks I can
Yo and Matt think I can
Heather thinks I can
So many others, I can't list them all!! I love you all for yor support!

Cuz my mom thinks I shouldn't and doesn't like it and I wanna prove I can.

I have worked hard!

I am a winner, not a quitter!

I have sweat gallons and sacrifed to get here quitting makes that worthless.

Others have sacrificed so I can get here quitting makes that worthless.

My clothes fit better.

I am lookin' good naked.

A lot of money has gone into this goal make it count.

This is an attainable goal and I choose it.

I love high heels and this is a chance to wear some sexy ones!!

I spend a lot of time thinking about this- what you think about you bring about; think about success.

I want to inspire others. Be it to lift, or diet, or compete, or just to make a small change to lead them to a healthier path.

I am not afraid of hard work.

Challenges are something I thrive on! This one is mine-I own it!

At the end of the day, I am responsible for my choices and actions. Only I can push through this and keep working out, keep my diet clean, and keep my eye on the prize.

The feeling of satisfaction when I step on that stage is going to make all this seem minute and I will be grateful for the journey.

Soft molasses cookies.

Hello my fitness friends. MERRY CHRISTMAS!! one of my favorite treats this time of year is molasses cookies. LOVE THEM!!! They are delicious and spicy and sweet. Here is my recipe. I have found a clean eating molasses cookie recipe that I will test and report. If its good I will post the recipe.

Soft Molasses Cookies
1 c sugar
1/2 c butter softened
1/2 c shortening
3/4 c sour cream (I subbed plain Greek yogurt this time and it worked perfect)
1/2 c molasses
1 egg
3 c flour
1 1/2 t baking soda
1/2 t salt
1 t ground ginger
1 t ground cinnamon

Heat oven 375*

Cream butter, shortening, and sugar. Add sour cream (yogurt), molasses, and egg. Mix dry ingredients in separate bowl and add in thirds to wet ingredients. Careful to not over mix, but blended completely.  Drop by TBS onto ungreased cookie sheet. Bake 9-11 minutes or until almost no indentation remains when touched in center. Cool slightly on cookie sheet then transfer to wire rack to cool completely.  Sprinkle with sugar while hot from oven if desired.

These cookies are total comfort food, not diet conducive, and are little pieces of molasses heaven. Happy holidays my wonderful friends.

What the HECK I should make for dinner this week??

I posted a request to have some new ideas for dinner.  We eat a lot of chicken and fish, but just get stuck in a rut eating the same things over and over and I get so tired of it.  My kids are really tolerant and will try just about anything once.  My fantastic MyFitnessPal friends...they came through in a pinch.  I got lots of ideas and plan to do some this week.  I have links to some of the recipes that I was given and will post them here.  Also, recipes for those that decide to share them with me and I will share them all with you. 

Salmon recipes.  These look amazing!! Yum, I want to try them all.  We eat lots of salmon and other fish around this house.  It is so good for you. 

• http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/never-be-bored-again-6-salmon-recipes.htm

CHICKEN CHICKEN CHICKEN
So is the life of a lifter.  It is one chicken dish after the next.  It sucks the joy out of eating and really drives home the "food is fuel not pleasure" point, but there are days when you need a little pleasure out of your food or it is easier to just not eat.

This one looks really good.  I think I will skip the corn flakes (we don't eat cold cereal around here and I don't think its needed).

• http://www.skinnytaste.com/2011/03/coconut-chicken-salad-with-warm-honey.html

We usually have bell peppers on hand.  Sometimes I need to use them up and don't have time to slice them to freeze for stir fry or other dishes later.  Stuffing them is a great way to use them and my kiddos will actually eat them.

• http://www.skinnytaste.com/2010/08/chicken-and-white-bean-stuffed-peppers.html

The suggestions are as follows from my awesome MFP friends.
Salmon and veg
chicken casserole
spaghetti Bolognese
meatloaf
slow cooked beef
steak
chicken curry (healthy recipe of course)
river cobbler/tilapia with pesto
Cajun Chicken Linguine
Chicken Stew
Shepherd's Pie
Tilapia topped with salsa
Taco salad
chicken parm (baked)
chicken tenders in buffalo sauce
chili
Thai salmon curry
Honey soy salmon (Mix honey with soy sauce and marinate. Then bake till done.)

You can never go wrong with Jamie Eason.  She has great recipes.  If you wanna have a tweaked up heartier recipe for the protein bars look at ThisTimeisMyTime on MFP.  She has souped up the recipe and added a few things.  Her blog is www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/thistimeismytime.  Very inspirational and the bars are good to eat. 

We bought a whole pig earlier this summer and have it in our freezer.   We are always looking for new recipes and things to do with it.  These Mexican Slow Cooked Pork Carnitas sound delicious!

• http://www.skinnytaste.com/2010/03/mexican-slow-cooked-pork-carnitas.html

Or these Pork Chops with Dijon Herb Sauce

• http://www.skinnytaste.com/2008/06/pork-chops-with-dijon-herb-sauce-525-ww.html

AND....when you just can't face another round of chicken-something for dinner but don't want to spend extra calories or fat on lean burger or pork, give turkey a go.  These Turkey Meatloaf Muffins look good and filling.

• http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/video-jamie-eason-turkey-meatloaf-muffins.htm

Who doesn't love some cheese fries?  I know I do.  So give these a shot...made a little more healthy than your standard fare.  Thanks to dogo187 for the recipe.

•  cut up a butternut squash into fries. Lay some wax paper on a baking tray and toss the squash in just a little olive oil, some garlic, salt and pepper. You can also add a little paprika and some red cayanne pepper if you like it spicy. Spread out on the wax paper in an even layer. Bake in the oven at 400F for 20 minutes then toss them around a little, put them back in for another 10 to15 minutes depending on how you like them cooked. Sprinkle with a little grated parmasen cheese.

If you don't feel like cheese fries try some roasted sweet potatoes from Addicted2Aerosmith.  Sweet potatoes are so good and help curb that sweet craving too.

• Cut 4 small sweet potatoes into cubes. Toss with 2 T olive oil or spray with butter spray, salt and pepper.  Roast at 450* stirring occasionally, until browned, about 40 minutes.  

 

AND!!!  Last but certainly not least, what would a recipe post be without a contribution from our favorite TrainLikeaBOSS?  His recipe is as follows:

• take some chicken, bake it, serve with fresh spinach when it is done. And I quote "AMAZING" is the word he used to describe this meal.

If you have more you want to include submit it as a comment here on my other blog and I will be happy to post them too. (willlift4shoes.blogspot.com or myfitnesspal.com/blog/1TenaciousGirl) 

Social Anxiety Disorder

There are days when I have the hardest time just getting up and getting out of bed. I know that there are a million things I need to do, a million responsibilites that I need to take care of, my kids, my house, my job, my husband.  The list goes on and on.  Over the past few months things have spiraled out of control for me. Choices I have made and life hitting hard have made things difficult for me.  They have also increased my anxiety and my depression has deepened.  It has been recently that I have been able to see a light at the end of the tunnel. 

I make no secret on my profile that I deal with anxiety and depression.  They fuel my emotional eating or lack of eating depending on the kind of stressor.  They make it so I struggle to leave the house and go to church or even Wal-mart without my husband. There are days when I have to talk myelf into going to the gym to meet with my trainer.  I don't cancel on these days because I know the endorphin payoff is gonna be good and I have never regretted going.
I was talking with my therapist (yes I have one of those too...immensely helpful and has helped me make more progress in the last month than just about anything else out there) and he suggested that I look into Social Anxiety Disorder.  So I googled it. OMG!!! I was reading page after page of me. How I felt. How I reacted to things.  How this was something that I could overcome.  Symptom and behavior after behavior and symptom fit me to a T.  I felt sad that I have this and then I felt hope that I could overcome it.

My most recent bout with this Anxiety Disorder is when I went to a church function for my oldest daughters. They work hard all year long on various projects and goals. At the end of the year they get to display and show off some of their hard work.  My oldest daughter is a writer. She wrote poem after poem about her life and struggles and successes.  It is beautiful. My second oldest is a dancer.  She worked so hard to go en pointe in ballet.  She also loves ballroom dancing.  She is a gorgeous dancer.  This is one talent I was excited to see her display.  I haven't been to church in a while, the anxiety is just too high in a large group of people and our church meets at a time when Ken is working.  Next year we will switch to an 11 time and he will be able to come with me. I showed up and everyone there was so loving and welcoming and overwhelming. I didn't want people to know that I was panicking (part of the disorder) and so I was trying hard to just interact with them. As we got started the panic had already set it.  I was shaking in my chair. My daughters noticed and asked if I was ok.  I told them no, that I was having some anxiety.  They tried to calm me down, but it was too late.  The room was freezing cold, yet when I got up to stand in the back of the room to try and breathe, it was sweltering hot and I was struggling to get my racing heart to slow down and not hyperventilate. I finally had to leave the room that I was in.

I texted my husband but he was sleeping.  It was late and he had to work early the next day.  I texted a friend I met here on MFP.   Tracy was available.  She just texted with me and talked with me until I was finally able to calm down enough I could breathe and face the room.  I couldn't go back in until the program was done, but I did have a little ice cream with the group and then gathered my chicks and went home and curled up with Ken.  Bless him, he is so understanding.  His wife is a little looney and he just doesn't care.  He loves me anyway and tries to be understanding.

The part I find the most frustrating is that this disorder is taking away from me parts of me that I have always had.  I have always been willing to stand in front of a crowd and talk.  Public speaking was never an issue with me.  I loved to go to the mall, or WalMart or just drive around on my own.  I can't do that now.  I think eventually I will be able to get back to that, but it is going to take time. It has made it so I am isolated from my friends.  I have recently met a friend who is understanding of my anxiety and willing to work with me when I need to just go or have a quiet moment to regroup.  i am very grateful for her. Part of the disorder is knowing that you have an irrational fear but are just unable to overcome the fear. I know this.  The logical side of my brain says that it is silly and just let it go.  The emotional side of me just hangs on for dear life to it becuase OMG what if......  I have always been able to just be open and friendly.  The personality you see online is me in real life.  I don't change it up becuase I am online.  I am just regular me. What you see is what you get. I want to be the gregarious Brandy that I have always been again.  Not trapped in anxiety.  
So to my friends here. One: thanks for reading all that. Holy Cow you are true friends. Two:  Know that this sometimes fuels my craziness on here...Like when I delete at random and then have to turn around and say sorry....I didn't really want to do that.  UGH, its a pride swallowing event and I do appreciate you adding me back.  Three: Thanks for being patient with me. Four: My husband is such a great guy.  I love him with all my heart.  I couldn't do this without him. And Five: I couldnt do this without all the great encouragement I get from everyone here. I love you all and appreciate your friendship.   

Read more on Social Anxiety Disorder: http://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/guide/mental-health-social-anxiety-disorder

Boss-tastic Diet

I mentioned that I had used a diet that TrainsLikeABoss gave me to my sister.  She is seeing that I am keeping the weight off and asked me to give her the diet plan.  I posted this on MyFitnessPal.com and several of my friends there wanted it.  Boss said to copy his wife's day the other day.  She is spot on and doing great.  Below is the copy of her day.  I took off the supplements and the coffee.  They added minimal to the counts.

Meal 1	Calories		Carbs	Fat	Protein
Eggs - White only, raw, 6 large	103		1	0	22
Steamed - Green Beans, 1/2 cup	34		8	1	5
Kernel Season's Popcorn Seasoning - Ranch , 1/2 tsp	4		0	0	0
Apple - Gala - Medium , 1 medium apple	80		22	0	0
Smucker's - Creamy Natural Peanut Butter, 1 Tbsp	100		3	8	4
	321		34	9	31
Meal 2
Eggs - White only, raw, 6 large	103		1	0	22
Steamed - Green Beans, 3/4 cup	51		12	2	7
Kernel Season's Popcorn Seasoning - Ranch , 1/2 tsp	4		0	0	0
Fruit - Red Seedless Grapes, 0.5 cup	52		14	0	1
	240		29	4	30
Meal 3
Walmart - Chicken - boneless, skinless, 5 oz.	138		0	3	29
Spinach - Raw, 1 cup	7		1	0	1
Kraft Salad Dressing - Light Asian Toasted Sesame (Reduced Fat Dressing), 2 TBS	50		7	3	1
Cucumber - With peel, raw, 0.5 cup slices	8		2	0	0
Generic - Red Seedless Grapes, 3 grape	10		3	0	0
	243		17	8	31
Meal 4
Spinach - Raw, 1 cup	7		1	0	1
Walmart - Chicken - boneless, skinless, 3 oz.	83		0	2	17
	90		1	2	18
Meal 5
Walmart - Chicken - boneless, skinless, 5 oz.	138		0	3	29
Spinach - Raw, 1 cup	7		1	0	1
Personal Mix - Protein Powder - Whey, 2 scoop	220		12	3	50
	365		13	6	80
Meal 6
Personal Mix - Protein Powder - Whey, 2 scoop	220		12	3	50
	220		12	3	50
Totals		1,479	106	32	240
This is a sample of what you should do.  Mix it up with your veggies, stick to lean protein like fish, lean beef (sparingly), pork (also sparingly, there is lots of fat in pork). I like peppers, cucumbers and radishes.  I am happy to answer questions, drop me an email willlift4shoes@gmail.com. This diet has worked really well for me.  I have enough energy to lift. I usually end up eating about 1600 calories on days I lift and stay close to 1400 on days I don't.  I am maintaining my weight at about 135, (I fluctuate about 3 pounds either way, and I am ok with this).  My current body fat is at 21%. My goal is 13% for my competition.  This is going to come from sticking to my diet.  My new trainer has a diet plan for me, and we will be discussing it on Wednesday.  I will post it when I get it.